Where is the Power?

I read Acts 1:8 this morning—“…and you shall receive power.” I thought, “God, why don’t I feel this power? Actually, some days I feel downright weak and worthless.” I thought of a friend who recently told me he generally thinks very poorly of himself. He is probably also wondering where this power is. But I was also reminded of how Christ experienced this power. He who is God incarnate was homeless, scorned by many, and abandoned by friends late in life. Jesus was fully human—could it be that he was even tempted to wonder where the power of God was, as he was deserted and led to the cross?

I thought also of Martin Luther, one of the fathers of the reformation. He did so much for the church, but I’m sure that in his lifetime he did not feel like much of a hero. Who knows what problems he suffered from—depression, for one, I am sure. He locked himself in his room for days on end, he once went more than a year without changing clothes. I am realizing that this power given to believers will not always (or often?) come to us in the form we desire. This is God’s economy. He who is last shall be first. What seems down is up. What seems the road to humiliation will lead to exaltation.

In a strange way, when we feel poorly about ourselves it is actually an expression of pride—as if to say, “What I think of myself is more important than what God thinks of me.” And this is where faith comes in. It is not easy to believe in that which we do not feel and that which we cannot see. While God rejoices over us and counts us as holy and blameless, we experience insecurity, addictions and fear. But the amazing thing is that he never quits and he never gives up on us. I believe in his love a little bit one day, a lot the next, not at all the next…then I realize he is still there. I confess my unbelief, try to bask in his love, while praying at the same time that he would help my unbelief. I am so glad that it is not the strength of our faith, but the presence of our faith that matters—no matter how weak at times.