Guide me, O though great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land. No, I am a barren pilgrim, limping through this barren land. This week I was barren to the point of despair due to my utter inability to handle difficult relationships which were in need of a wisdom that appeared far beyond and above my ability to grasp. Sometimes we are barren to the point of despair in our lack of hope, sometimes it is due to our physical circumstances, for example our health.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul was enduring pressure far beyond his ability to despair (2 Cor 1:8). Was it persecution? Definitely. Was it related to his “thorn in the flesh,” some physical suffering? Probably. At any rate, every one of us can relate to this deep despair, so dark that we felt in our hearts “the sentence of death (2 Cor 1:9). A couple in our church is literally facing the sentence of death in the waning days of a painful form of cancer.

So often we ask the question, “Why?” Why is there cancer? Why is there suffering? Why am I depressed? Why do I have to feel overwhelmed? Why don’t I have an answer to give in this seemingly impossible situation? One of the most powerful explanations for answering those questions, and the question of suffering in general, is given in the very same verse: “…But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead .”

Why do I feel overwhelmed in some of my pastoral duties? Why does a loved one have chronic back pain? Why are several friends out of work and feel far beyond hope? Why is this dear couple facing prolonged agony and a certain anticipation of death by one of the most insidious forms of cancer? Why? That they might not rely on themselves but on God, who even raises the dead.

God, I am a barren pilgrim; barren, without hope, under great pressure, far beyond my ability to endure, despairing at times, feeling even the sentence of death. Barren…but for the grace of God. Father, may we not rely on ourselves, but on you who are with us, who sustains us—not only through our trials of life, but even through the very trial of death. The God who literally raises the dead.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of deaths, and hell’s destruction,
Land me safe on Canaan’s side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to Thee;
I will ever give to Thee.