Perhaps my greatest fear is that I would live out an inauthentic Christian life before my kids, such that they would see me as a hypocrite. Perhaps as a pastor this temptation is stronger than it is for many others, as I perceive that I have to live up to certain moral, social, and spiritual expectations of others. How am I doing?
Several days ago my son Craig said to Lucibeth and I, "Why are you nicer to us around other people than when we are alone?" Ouch. Yes, I know—it is right not to discipline or reprove in public. But that is not what he was talking about. As a seven year-old this was the deep wisdom to discern anger, frustration and impatience that we are quick to hide from others behind a plastic mask of a smile.
What can we do? Repent. And to do so in front of our kids, so that they can see for themselves that we are trying to overcome this most heinous of sins by confessing it and repenting of it before others. I have read somewhere that the most powerful way to impact your kids is not necessarily to be "good," but rather to confess and let them know when we are not. That way, they will see that your faith is real, and there is much power in that.
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Dr. Kooistra phrase "posture of repentance" has settled deep in my heart. . . And that's a posture I've needed to keep before the Lord. (And oh-so-often before my children as well.)
For some reason, my oldest has especially borne the brunt of my sins--both when he was younger and even now. Since he is older, I've been able to discuss with some detail about the motivations and struggles I've had, as I repent. It's good. Keeps my eyes on Christ. And it has definitely kept the walls down in our relationship.
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